Why Is My Boyfriend So Mean To Me?:- This article will be a little bit longer than usual because I want to get down to the core.
As a lot of clients that I coached a couple of years ago, they come back to me two years later with the same problems. And I’m asking like:-
- Why are you not listening to me?
- Why you still doing the same things that you’ve been doing for years ago?
- How does it make sense?
- How do you still come back to me with the same problems?
The answer usually to that is because the ladies who have been applying my tips have been using it as a game, instead of changing themselves, and getting deep to the core of it.
19 Reasons Why Is Your Boyfriend So Mean To You:-
- You have no priority
- You are just another conquest
- It’s time for recovery
- He’s an asshole
- He doesn’t love you
- He has unmet needs
- He is struggling with an addiction
- You suffocated it
- Someone else is on their mind
- He doesn’t want to be with you anymore
- You have different goals
- He’s not as emotional as you
- You are a means to an end
- You are too dependent
- He’s fighting his love for you
- You read wrong
- Nobody taught him better
- Lack of communication
- Never blame yourself
Why Is My Boyfriend So Mean To Me?
Let’s start with a story.
So I had a client about three years ago, and she found me through my Facebook Page, and this is what she told me.
She had a boyfriend, she was just finishing high school, things were going well with him in the beginning.
He was sweeping her off her feet. He was kind to her, but then things changed, and he became extremely disrespectful and mean.
As I was questioning her why could potentially he be mean? I realize that she’s been doing everything for him.
- I let him know where I am
- Whom I’m with
- What I’m doing
- I call him
- I give unconditionally to him
- I am nice to him
- I’m kind to him
And he constantly keeps being mean and disrespectful, while at the same time, lashing out at me.
He keeps screaming, and shouting like he’s always unhappy with me.” Then she said, “I don’t know what to do about it.”
Eventually, things got so bad that for example, he wanted her to do his homework, and she told him, okay, but she was a little bit late with the homework and he was so unhappy with her, that he ended up slapping her.
The reaction that she gave him straight after, ’cause she was in a total shock, she started to apologize for not doing his homework on time.
However, soon afterward, when she thought about it, she realized what happened, what he did to her, which was a wake-up call for her to get in touch with me.
Also, she said, after he had slapped her he was the one calling her, texting her, as I think he was shocked himself and realized that he overstepped some boundaries.
Why He Become So Mean To You
But ladies, let’s talk about, so why do people become so mean to others when sometimes all you want to do is give and be nice, and kind to a person.
And instead of appreciating it, we start taking you for granted. This is when we start to take advantage of you and start to become purely disrespectful and mean.
How people pleasers have it worst, even though they are the ones who are always giving and trying to be liked, trying to be nice, trying to be kind, and impress others.
Extremely important for them to be liked as if a people pleaser is not liked by somebody they can lose sleep over it and can’t handle it.
Girls who are like this are usually taken advantage of in their relationships and men do end up treating them badly.
People who need validation from others and think that they are not good enough, after a while in their relationship their partner will start to have full power over them.
Why She Is So Mean? Let’s Think About It
So let’s think about it like this, if you are a girl let’s say you have a guy who is really into you, all he’s doing is continuously texting, calling you, always asking where you are, writing your essay messages.
You at a point where you can’t even take a break from him as he is constantly trying to impress you and gives, gives, gives to you while making you into his whole world.
What happens is after a while it gets boring, you feel your guy is so needy that he’s nearly suffocating you.
And you end up feeling like it’s too much, I can’t breathe.
However, when it becomes a routine and you start to feel like you are entitled to that person pleasing you so much, it becomes like you are a queen and he is your pleaser.
And you feel entitled to it so much that when the same guy gets tired of pleasing you one day and he doesn’t pursue you or try to please you, you might get so annoyed with him that you might lash out on him because you feel entitled. You got used to it.
This is why ladies, people pleasers struggle the most with good treatment because they give without valuing themselves.
While making someone else into their whole life. And when you are like this and you keep giving to other people continuously we start seeing you as this is how it’s supposed to be.
As we start to feel entitled to everything that you’re giving to them and then we start to abuse you.
Ladies, all of this comes down to a lack of self-love, self-value, self-worth, and knowing how to set healthy boundaries in the relationship.
Ladies, when you think about it, that guy does not become meaningful to you straight away. What happens is first there are red flags.
First, we test your boundaries:
- Can I walk all over her?
- Can I control her?
Let me give you an example, let’s say you’re both sleeping in the same bed together and the guy might say, “Oh, can you get up and give me that thing over there?”
When he actually could perfectly get up himself and get it himself. But you’re being nice so you do it.
What he’s doing is testing to see will she try to please me. And ladies, these little tiny small tests eventually turn into bigger ones until he starts to feel that you’re trying to please him and he’s entitled to you. And then slowly he starts taking yours for granted.
Ladies, if he’s rude or disrespectful just tell him straight, do not wait, set in a boundary from a start.
Don’t let things pile up before it snowballs into a bigger issue. He needs to know he can not get away with treating you badly from day one.
However, if you’re too scared to set in boundaries and you let things pile up, and he just keeps gradually disrespecting you more, and more, and more until it just gets bigger.
And eventually becomes so big that at the end of the day women are actually getting abused and not just mentally, but also physically.
If you want a happy and healthy relationship, you need to know how to love yourself and set healthy boundaries.
Nobody will respect or value you if you do not respect or value yourself.
If you do not see your value and worth, and if your goal in life is to please others, you will become someone else’s slave rather than someone else’s equal or partner.
Ladies, this is a really big issue that I’m finding with the girls, a lot of you set in boundary as a game rather than starting from the core inside of you.
Ladies, if you will look at boundary setting as something that can be done very quickly without working on your core long term you will fail.
Why, because you didn’t truly learn how to love and value yourself, but played a game.
And ladies, games long term do not work if you want a happy and healthy relationship.
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