How To Get The Upper Hand In A Relationship

How To Get The Upper Hand In A Relationship:- You might find yourself in a situation right now, whether you’re dating someone long term, you’re in the actual relationship or maybe you just started meeting someone and you feel like you’ve lost the upper hand.

What Does “Losing The Upper Hand In A Relationship” Mean?

This means that you don’t feel like you have control over the relationship. A lot of people who feel like they don’t have the upper hand, tend to feel very needy in their relationship feeling like they’ve completely lost control.

If this is you, you’ve come to the right place. I have some ideas of why this is happening and I have a solution of “How To Get The Upper Hand In A Relationship” For you. 

What Does The Upper Hand Mean?

Originally this is used in negotiations. People who have the upper hand in negotiations, in terms of whatever it is they’re trying to negotiate.

Of course, a relationship isn’t like a negotiation, but it is similar in terms of who’s in control and who’s not in control. You have the upper hand, you are the person who has nothing to lose.

You can walk away and that’s you have nothing to lose. When you’re in a relationship, people are scared of losing each other and that’s where this whole ebb and flow of the upper hand, the lower hand comes in.

To have the upper hand, you need to have the ability to say, you know what, I can walk away. I can be with other people if this relationship isn’t giving me what I need out of it. I can walk away.

That’s not necessarily something that you’re going to say to the person, but this is the mentality you’re going to have. 

A lot of guys have trouble gaining the upper hand in this situation because they’re desperate and they’re needy for the women that they’re with.

If you don’t have a lot of experience with women, if you don’t have an abundant mindset, which we’re going to get to in just a bit, if you don’t have that, naturally, you’re going to be in the needy mentality.

You’re going to feel like you need them more than other people. When you feel like you can’t walk away, when you feel like you have to stay in this, when this is like the only thing that you can have, you’re already doomed. 

Also Read: What Does It Mean When A Girl Calls You Dude, Bro, Buddy Or Man

How To Get The Upper Hand In A Relationship

Let’s start if you’re single, meaning you’re not in a relationship but you are dating someone and you feel like you don’t have the hand in that relationship. Or you feel like you’re dating someone and you have a loss of control. 

What you need to do, and I know this goes against a lot of other advice that you might hear out there, but what you have to do is you have to be dating other people.

You should be doing that anyway. This is not just advice I’m giving you to have the upper hand.

This is something you need to be doing before you get into a relationship. You need to be dating lots of women at the same time.

A lot of guys, struggle with that concept because they say “Well I’m just a one-woman man.” And some guys think it’s unethical or not moral to do that. Here’s the thing. 

  • Lying is immoral
  • Being manipulative is immoral

But you are being honest with your intentions and what you’re doing is not. Then guys say, okay, fine, I won’t lie. 

If I tell a girl that I’m dating someone else or she asks if I’m dating other people, I’m going to be in big trouble? 

No, the answer is no. 

First of all, if that girl is so offended then you should be okay to lose her because this shouldn’t affect your plan in dating multiple women so you can find someone who’s awesome and not be needy.

On the other hand, a lot of women hear that they’re not going to run away so fast. A lot of women are gonna be very turned on by the fact that you are dating other women.

It’s going to be competitive for them. And they’re also going to see that you are dating other women.

That means other women like you and that gives you the advantage because it makes you more attractive because it’s showing her that other people like you.

It’s weird psychological stuff, but it works. This is going to make you so much less needy because you’re not going to care if it doesn’t work out with a woman.

You’re not going to be needed for one because if one drops off, one goes away, one does something that you don’t like, or maybe you do something that she doesn’t like and she’s gone, you won’t be too upset about it because you’re dating other women to find out if it’s a good match. 

By the way, side note, another good reason for you to be dating multiple women is that the dating process to find someone who’s a good match, if you’re looking for a relationship can take a long time.

If you’re going from one and then it ends to the other and it ends and so forth. This could be years until you find someone awesome. 

Take advantage of the article on this website. Take advantage of dating apps and dating sites where you have the opportunity to meet lots of women. You can do that. 

A lot of guys that don’t have the upper hand in a relationship, the ones that are usually very needy usually don’t have a lot going on for them and their lives. 

Instead, they are making the woman that they’re dating their core focus and that’s a big problem.

If you are just focusing on her and you have nothing else going on in your life, this is going to be trouble and she is going to get the upper hand very fast because you’re in the position where you feel you’re going to be afraid to lose her because that’s all you have going on.

You Got To Work More In Your Lifestyle.

The goal shouldn’t be just to have a girlfriend. You should also be working on creating hobbies, doing any other things that you enjoy and hanging out with friends, making new friends, working on your career, your passions.

You Should Have A Busy Life.

Because when you are busy doing other things and you’re creating distance between you and your girlfriend, it’s going to make her desire you more. Here’s the thing. 

What People Like In A Relationship Is Attention 

  • We want attention
  • We want love
  • We want sex

All those things. When that is taken away from us and there’s the distance, then you are going to have more value because you’re not there all the time.

You’re going to be more valuable because she can have the thing that she wants all the time.

You need to create that distance. The key value here is your availability. Your availability is the value. Remember that you are the prize. 

You don’t need to be buying her stuff and taking her to fancy dinners and doing all these things to get her attention.

Instead, you gotta come back to the mentality that it’s you who is the prize and you are not going to be easy to obtain because you have a life and hope you’re dating someone who’s doing the same and then when you guys come together, it’s awesome and not oscillating so heavy between upper hand, lower hand and so forth. 

Explained In Video: How To Get The Upper Hand In A Relationship


To wrap this up, understanding, the abundance mentality, means you feel like you have an abundance of women in your life when you’re first dating.

Or if you get into a relationship, understand that women are abundant out there so if it doesn’t work out with this woman, you’ll be able to find someone new. That is the key to that mentality.

Not a lot of guys have that mentality because they don’t even think that they can attract any women, which again, is why we come full circle.

Here is why you have to date a lot of women to prove to yourself that you know what, it is possible. If it doesn’t work out with the girl that you’re with, you can find someone new.

Upper Hand Meaning

People who have the upper hand in negotiations, in terms of whatever it is they’re trying to negotiate. Of course, a relationship isn’t like a negotiation, but it is similar in terms of who’s in control and who’s in not in control. You have the upper hand, you are the person who has nothing to lose.

6 thoughts on “How To Get The Upper Hand In A Relationship

  1. You are the only one who explains the dating American reality. I agree with you that you have to behave in this particular way, otherwise, you won’t have a dating life at all. However, there is a paradox: if you date multiple women, this implies that you force yourself to become a player. From a female perspective, this seems natural and they turned on as you said because you are preselected by other women. The woman that will finally get you, but she thinks that she will keep you and will not lose you from another woman down the road. This is an illusion because this kind of male behavior leads to a male hypergamy.

    Why is this wrong? Because if you adopt the idea that there are plenty other fish in the sea, you will end up in the theory of paradox of choice: you will always look for something better, which in the end you will end up with a non optimum choice, not what you want but what you can have. This is the reality of most women who reach the age of 30 and hit the wall because they realize that there are plent of options any more because simply their status has changed, they are not young and pretty as they use to be when they were 20 years old. This of course may not work with men, since mens’ limitelss prime time is after 30….

    But again we claim plenty of fish in the sea. In terms of what? Just looks and age right? How about chemistry, moral values, family values, etc. It takes time to learn someone and be tested when things go south either in the relationship or in man’s life. Again, the reality is exactly what you explain in your article, but it seems hardly to believe that there is no other way…

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.
      We will get back to you with our new article regarding all this.

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