Best Ghosting Responses | How To Respond To A Guy That Ghosted You?:- You think they’re gone. You think they’re dead, buried, ghosted off into the wilderness of the universe, never to return to your dating life. And then you get a text like this:-
- “Hey! How’ve you been?“
- “Been missing you so much! Free this week?.”
- “How doing?”
The ghost is back from the dead. And as many fantasies I have about zombies and killing them with skillets, it’s not fun when it happens in your dating life.
How do you deal with a returned ghost? How do you deal with this guy that comes back from the dead and how do you see if there’s an actual chance that he could be serious about you versus is he just wasting more of your time?
Best Ghosting Responses And Types Of Ghosters
There are a few different types of ghosts, and depending on the ghosts you’re dealing with and how long that ghost has happened, you’re going to get different types of guys and situations here.
1. The Short Term Guy.
This is the guy where you’ve been talking to him every day or most days, and then you don’t hear from him for a few days a week, even a couple of weeks. And he pops back up like nothing’s happened. “Oh, how you going? Hey, what’d you been up to?”
And now you’re sitting there thinking, going, “Well, wait, I didn’t hear from you for a week while I just assumed you were disinterested.”
It is important with all these types of ghosts that you call them out on it. That’s one of the big pieces here, but it’ll be more subtle or more strong depending on the type of ghost.
When you call the short term guy out, you’re just first doing it with the assumption that something’s happened to him or something wasn’t right. You’re saying, “Hey, has everything been alright? I didn’t hear from you.”
And then listen to the short term guy’s reasons.
- Does he give you a solid reason?
- Is there an explanation there?
- Is he aware of it?
- Does he take responsibility?
- Or does he pretend like it didn’t happen? That’s the worst sign.
If you get the guy who sorts of denies or pretends, “No, what are you talking about? I was just busy.” That kind of rubbish.
That’s a sign for the short term guy that he’s just going to keep doing this.
Now, one of the first things you want to check here is the obvious stuff. Has something happened to him? It’s best to assume the best.
If the guy has been in trouble or if he was just away, or something happened, then you’re not criticizing him for that. So saying something like, “Hey, was everything okay with you? I didn’t hear from you for a while. Checking in.”
You’re kind of sub-communicating that, “Yeah, you’ve been away. If you’re a good guy, this is the time to explain yourself to me.” And then you listen to what he says. And he says, “Hey, yeah, I’m so sorry. My dad got sick and there’s been stuff going on.”
Then you can reassure him that. Yeah, you’d want to hear that stuff in the future. “You know, let me know. I’m always here for you when stuff is happening for you.”
This doesn’t excuse the behavior. And, if someone is there every day, you’re hearing from them all the time and then disappearing for a week at a time, that could be an indication of how they handle stress. And it can be a strong indicator they’re not in a good space for a relationship right now.
What you’re listening for with these short term ghosts is what stress has caused you to do this. And then how are you going to handle that in the future?
Are you just going to duck away for a few days a week again, or are we going to be able to do this better next time? Always assume the best, but once someone does this the first time you have to start to think, well, are they going to do this again? And be listening, very important to listen for the reasons behind it and their explanations.
But if he’s not able to give a good reason, or if he’s in denial about it, that’s not going to be your man.
2. Mid-Range Guys.
The second group of ghosts that come back to life are your mid-range guys. These guys are some of the most frustrating because they’ve left it long enough for you to get over them and assume they are not interested, but not so long that anything major is likely to happen in their life, and they’ve had a big revelation.
You’re at that frustrating midpoint where you finally feel like you’re getting over someone, and then they come back. These are the guys that you want to call out the most aggressively.
The guy might send you a text that says, “Hey,” or “Hi,” or whatever, dumb shit they send you. And start by sending something nonchalant back. “Oh, hi. Hey, how are you?”
Something very simple, very plain and listen for his motives because a lot of these guys will come back when they just want attention or when they’re just bored. And that’s not something you want to be dealing with.
So listen for what he says after that, if he says, “Hey, can I see you?” or wants to invest more? That’s a great time to call him out.
If this is just someone who’s wanting attention, or if he just says, “Oh, what’s up with you?” You may not even want to deal with it at all.
These are some of the worst ghosts and they’re the ones that will come back and kind of tether themselves to you if you let them.
If you do call them out, if you decide that, “Hey, this guy seems to want to meet up with me again after ghosting, how do I deal with this?” Like I say, you call them out.
Say, “Hey, what happened? Where’d you go? We’re going to meet up. I didn’t hear from you. What went on with you?”
Call them out directly over texts. And you’re listening for something very powerful to go ahead with these guys again.
What you are listening for is something like, “I’m so, so sorry. Had some major life events happened? Let me give you a call and I can explain.”
You’re listening for something ground shaking, something revolutionary that gives this person a legitimate reason to have disappeared for a couple of months without communicating why to you.
Only if you hear that very legitimate reason, and the guy appears to have a whole heap of motivation to make it up to you, would you even give these mid-level guys the time of day?
3. Long-Range Ghosters.
Your guys that come back from the dead after six months or more, or the guys you thought you’d never hear from again.
They come back in your life and say, “Hey, how are you doing? How’s it going?” The interesting thing about these guys is sometimes enough time may have passed for something to be different for them, something significant. And maybe there’s a chance that they could have a good story and be a changed person. This is especially true if years have passed.
You want to call them out. “Hey, whatever happened to you? Six months ago, we were chatting. Hey, what went on a year ago? I was keen to meet up with you.” Call them out.
You can do it playfully and listen for awareness. You want to make sure that they are aware of and acknowledge, responsibility. You want to make sure that they take responsibility.
So them saying something like, “Yeah, honestly, that was super, super shit of me. I felt really bad about it.” And then finally, his reason. “I lost my dad at the time and was going through a bunch of stuff personally. Had to make some changes in my life. And I’d love to reconnect.” Awareness, responsibility, and reason.
Once you’ve heard that reason, and if you’re convinced that the reason is solid enough, that you’d be willing to meet up with the person or give them a chance to at least hear from them again, you’re looking for that consistency of action.
One thing that all the ghosts have in common is you don’t let them make this mistake twice. If they do it once with a great reason, a great explanation, and committed action to making it up to you, you’d forgive the first mistake if those things are in place, but you can only kill a zombie once.
If that mistake happens again, it’s done. Don’t be going back there and don’t be having them take up your emotional bandwidth. When other guys will be far more consistent, available to you, and want to date you.
So bottom line, short-term, ghosts assume the best but prepare for the worst.
Mid-term ghosters call them out on their BS.
Long-term ghosters, see if the story has changed there and if it has, give them a chance but always be listening for that consistent action.